2018 REFLECTION

Traveled a lot - I fortunate enough to be able to go to Houston, Ann Arbor, DC, Ithaca three times, and Europe on three separate trips (Barcelona, Iceland, London, Paris). Europe isn’t as magical as it seemed. I think it’s nice to go to to see the difference in cultures including how people act, the food, etc, though

First full year 100% financially independent - Includes rent, insurance, phone bill, other expenses; feels good

Tried a bunch of different things outside of work - Spanish lessons, taekwondo, went to a trial class in ninjutsu and crossfit, dragon boat. Unfortunately non really stuck, but all good experiences

Learned a lot about a few topics - Stock and the stock market, designers (for better or for worse), things related to adoption. Obviously I learned other things, but these are some areas where I have learned the most

Haven’t had as many ‘blog-worthy’ thoughts or realizations - Good because maybe I’ve reached a point where I’ve realized many things that there are to realize. Bad because it indicates that my thoughts are not really growing 

My grandma passed away - It was a big deal for me and my mom (particularly my mom since they lived together)

Long distance of ~14 months ended which was very nice - I feel very grateful to be able to be physically close with Cody

Moving forward into 2019 - I am not a big believer in New Years resolutions; I think once you have a plan of action, you should execute ASAP, but I don’t have anything against people who do wait. I find that if I scramble last minute to describe how I want to be, it doesn’t work out as well and I am not as committed. But it is good to self reflect, still

I already have some action items in progress that are meant to improve my physical and mental well-being. Also getting more involved in art is a big goal for 2019

//15 //16 //17

Cornell, specifically undergraduate scholarships. I’d be nowhere near where I am today without the financial assistance the school gave me, so for the past two years I’ve donated, and will continue to give back so others can experience Cornell too

When I was younger I would think that my birth parents gave me up maybe because they both died in a fire and that didn’t have a choice, or something of that nature. Then later on I learned that Chinese families could only have one child, and that baby boys were preferred, especially in rural towns where males were needed to do labor. I don’t remember ever being angry at that, though. Even in the past few years, I haven’t been focusing on why I was given up, and more about what it means about who I am today and my identity 

However recently, I have learned some more about the situation that parents were put in. Yes, sometimes baby girls were killed or given up because they weren’t wanted, however there are a lot of cases in which government officials took babies. Literally broke into homes and stole the babies in the night. Sometimes the parents really wanted to keep the baby and they tried to hide her, but the baby was still taken away. Sometimes even relatives took the baby away, maybe out of fear that the government would find out

This is maybe one of my most personal thoughts, but I hypothesize that I was one of those babies that was stolen from their families, not by the government, but maybe a relative or a close friend. I am extremely sensitive, emotional, and nostalgic, and I think a large part of that is genetics. So that means my birth mother or birth father is similar…and I can’t imagine them ever deciding to give me up. I think that if I ever were to find them, they would welcome me and be open to keeping a relationship. I have heard of some scenarios in which the birth parents didn’t want to talk to their child after the child found them… That is really heart breaking

It’s an interesting puzzle- trying to figure out what my birth parents are like through traits I exhibit and interests I have. Of course environmental factors are key too, so there’s no way I can be 100% sure about a lot of things, but I really do think that at least one of my parents was very sensitive and really wanted to keep me

I also have a feeling I don’t have siblings…not sure why I think that. 

//13 //14

Wikipedia because it deserve it. And a group in Peru that hands out things to rural communities around the holidays (someone at work had advertised it)

I have uploaded my DNA to several different websites. 23andme is very American heavy, but there are other websites that are more geared towards Mainlanders. It is kind of crazy to think that every time I check my email, there is a chance that I will have an email about a relative match

A few months ago I would check the relatives section of 23andme every few hours, kind of obsessively. They’ll email me if I ever get a match…but I still checked in case there was even a second cousin or someone. I got excited around Prime Day because I knew that 23andme went on sale, so a lot of new people will be testing

It’s a long waiting game, but I’ve gone so many years without even thinking it’d be possible…

Two months ago my mom visited me in Boston; the last time she was in Boston had been nearly a year prior. I felt stressed about the visit, and long story short, I realized that it is easier to retreat to my mom’s world, my old upstate New York world, than it is to bring my mom into my new world. I’ve changed so much in the past 5 years, and having her visit is a subtle sad reminder that I don’t think my mom will ever understand it

I felt very grumpy for most of that weekend because my mom has a way of saying things that tick me off and I have a very difficult time shrugging off the comments. But after she left, I felt a huge wave of sadness; this pattern presents itself more times than not. For example, the days leading up to going home for this past holiday I was not excited. While at home, I was not particularly excited. But in the hours leading up to my departure back to Boston, I felt that wave of sadness again, and I think I may even feel homesick now

I can partially explain this- 1. My mom is supposed to be moved out of the house before Christmas. I moved around a lot when I was younger, but this house I was at for by far the longest, and it is basically my childhood home, although I wasn’t a “child” by the time I had first moved in. I will miss the familiarity, although I fully support my mom’s decision to move. 2. I’ve known for a while now that I have a hard time transitioning between environments. While I am in Boston, I don’t want to leave Boston. While I first get home I wish I were in Boston, a few days pass, and now I don’t want to leave, etc.

The vacillation of my sentiments is both complex and extremely confusing

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I really like the idea of Giving Tuesday, although I don’t remember hearing about it before. The whole weekend with Black Friday and Cyber Monday, people are so focused on buying material things for themselves or for friends and family (of course I do this too), so I think it is nice to take a step back from an insane amount of consumerism and spare some money for arguably more meaningful causes

NEADS - https://neads.org - trains service dogs

// 7 //8 //9

I know I am very behind and let this fall off, but I am committed to catching up

Equal Justice Initiative

Taken from the website: Your contribution is critical to our efforts to challenge poverty and racial injustice, advocate for equal treatment in the criminal justice system, and create hope for marginalized communities.

I am also being more conscious of how “efficient” the charities I donate to are. Frankly I do care if the charity is being run well so that my money is actually making an impact

when I recently got a promotion I was worried that two things would happen

1. People would think I am some kind of genius
2. People would think that it’s super easy to get promoted at my company and that they don’t hold us to the same standards

I did want to share the news because I did feel proud, but at the same time, with all of my achievements, I feel humble and give credit to where it is due

As a result, depending on who I am talking to, I would say how I know the norm is a promotion within two years at other companies, but it isn’t uncommon to get promoted after a year in my department, but it also isn’t guaranteed

I really did make an effort to go above and beyond in things that I involve myself in at work like volunteering to be on a committee, joining a public speaking organization, teaching basic SQL classes to other people in the company, etc. (I have actively sought out similar things in college too) and I think that I naturally have an analytical mindset, so in that regard it wasn’t terribly difficult

I obviously can’t say whether or not I am ‘better’ than other people at traditional two year promotion cycles, but I think if anything, it is unproductive to refuse to promote someone in under two years, simply based on their tenure, which it seems like a lot of companies do, so I am grateful to be at a company that recognizes employees that are ready to take the next step and gives us the opportunity to prove ourselves, and not limit us for bureaucratic reasons

With that said, I know it will take me a while to get promoted again because the skills to reach the next level are not second nature to me, and I would not be surprised if other people who are on that two year promotion cycle surpassed me. Does that mean that my promotion was fake, no, it just means that they do have the skills to get to the next level

Late last week I found out that I had to give a presentation at work, and my speaking part was ~1 minute. I hate public speaking to begin with but have been getting better over the past year, but the kicker here was that the audience would be for 500+ people (not an exaggeration)

Yesterday there was a dry run for the presentation, and two VPs and two directors were there. When it got to my part, a few seconds in I blanked and then started crying. Part of the reason was because I had felt stressed all day about work-related things and was generally was pretty wired, but also the past few days I had felt more sensitive than normal, and things I could usually brush off ended up making me cry

Anyway, this was very embarrassing and I had to exit the room. I am very fortunate and grateful that the people there were nice about it. Particularly my PM was very supportive afterwards and said if during the actual presentation I change my mind about speaking I could signal to her and she could take over

Fast-forward to this morning, and after practicing more and trying to gain confidence…I did feel nervous before presenting, but I was able to do it! I definitely know I could have done a few things differently, but they were minor, and I am so proud of myself for doing this and not backing out! It’s really a huge accomplishment for me, and also I got to show the people yesterday that I /could/ do it. I got a lot of compliments as well afterwards which made me feel good

Overall this was a very good opportunity, and I don’t know when I’ll get another chance to present to 500+ people…but I am hoping when I do- that I’ll be more comfortable doing it and can do even better